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Saturday, June 2, 2012

Batman Robs A Bank!

This is a Re-post, but one of my favorites.

One of the reasons I made the plunge into writing is because I dream of being a Super Criminal.
I know most people grow up day dreaming about being a Super Hero, but I always day dreamed about being the bad guy.  As I got older, whenever I got bored I would plan out some outlandish heist.  I planned how to rob the local movie theaters, the banks, malls, the local casinos and even the Federal Reserve Bank in downtown Kansas City.
The Criminal has everything in their favor.
1.  They are not hampered with obeying the laws.
2.  They can take all the time in the world to plan the crime down to the smallest detail, and come up with redundancy plans for every aspect of the job.
3.  Have access to state of the art technology and time to train and practice on various aspects of each job.
4.  They can pick and choose where they want to work.  They don't have to work in snow and sleet unless it is needed as part of the plan.
5.  They are not guilty until they actually perform the crime.  With the exception of suicide and assassinating a President, for both of these crimes you're guilty for just planning it.
So with years of planning crimes, and how to divide teams up with each part only operating on a need to know basis and each team only performing particular aspects of each crime, while I the mastermind sit back and supervise the entire operation, while not actively being involved and thereby not guilty of committing the crime.  My minions would be guilty and liable.
Personally, when I am at a drive through window and the mindless fast food attendant gives me back too much change I have to tell them, and give them their money back.  I have a conscious that is ten times bigger than my evil streak and corrupt mind.  So for all my day dreaming and planning I would actually make a terrible Super Criminal, because I just couldn't do it.  I do enjoy the fact that my conscious is clean and I have absolutely no trouble sleeping.
So that is partly how Writing became an option for me.  In my books, my characters, my literary minions can be as bad as I allow them to be, and I keep my conscious clear! What does all this have to do with Batman and him robbing a bank?  I thought I would share a fool proof plan to rob a bank and get away with it at least once!

Dress up as Batman!  Pick a bank, walk in, and wire tie the hands of the guard behind his back.  Make sure to look at the cameras and wave!  That's the magic part of this plan.  Retrieve the money from a couple of the tellers and leave the bank.
I know Batman doesn't use a gun but unless you're sure you can convince the guard to stand still while you put the wire tie on his hands, you may consider bringing some leverage.
Robbing a bank in America is a Federal offense and you will forever have the FBI on the case hunting you down until they catch you.  They don't ever close a bank robbery case until it is solved.  So having a gun isn't going to matter much because one of three things will happen.
1.  You might get away with it to be forever hunted!
2.  You will get shot and killed in the process.
3.  You will get caught and spend multiple life sentences in an overcrowded not so nice Prison.
When the FBI gets there the first thing they will do is review the banks video footage of the crime.  They will see Batman looking at the camera and waving, and robbing the bank.  Then they will immediately put out an APB (All Points Bulletin) for BATMAN!
You will get away with it once.  Please whatever you do, DO NOT attempt this because if you are not absolutely the first person to attempt this, they will shoot you as soon as you walk in the doors because of the rash of Batman's robbing banks all morning.
This isn't my best plan it is only meant to be a joke.  Some of my better plans will be come out in later years in some of my books.  Besides writing and being a touch OCD, I plan things, I make alternate plans.  I can't go to the restroom without a plan.  Planning things out, being on schedule, on target, reaching my objectives is all part of my base programming.  I can't shut it off.  Take that and mix it in with an over active imagination and a word processor and watch out!
I have often thought how lucky society is that I have a conscious.  Yes, some people grow up wanting to be Moriarty, Lex Luther, or even the Joker.  I have Lex Luther's hair duo down pat!
Moriarty was Sherlock Holmes Arch Enemy for my readers that haven't yet had the pleasure of actually reading the wonderful works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

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