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Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Peeing on an Electric Fence

Wouldn’t That Hurt?  That always seems to be the first question anybody asks!
It’s funny how time changes the way you look at things.  My Great Uncle Garth, he was my Mom’s Dad’s Brother, lived down the dirt road from us in the panhandle of Idaho when I was but a wee child.  I was the oldest of three children and from time to time Mom would drop me off with Uncle Garth to help him clear brush on the sixty some acre dirt and rock farm we had nestled into the woods.  Between my Uncles and my folk’s property we had sixty acres to continually pick up, fences to mend and livestock to care for.  Uncle Garth was always playing tricks on us kids when we were growing up, but the absolute worst one was when he tricked me into peeing on an electric fence.
I was in grade school but still a little tike and had been helping my Uncle Garth pull branches he cut over towards a pile.  Looking back I’m sure I wasn’t that much of a real help.
I mentioned I had to pee.  Garth said to go over on the other side of the truck by the fence.
“Come on, I’ll show you.  I have to pee too.”  He said.
When we got over there and were getting our business out, he asked me.  “Have you ever pee’ed on an electric fence?”
“Wouldn’t that hurt?”  I asked.  I was old enough that I had touched the electric fence before and been bitten by it.  I had even taken my toy metal rifle and stuck it into ant hills which seemed to migrate under the electric fence, and then laid the rifle against wire and watch the ants speed up real fast before they all stopped dead.
“Nah.  It doesn’t do anything.”  He said as I stood there and watched him cross his stream of pee over the wire.  “Try it.”
Now I don’t remember what age exactly I was at the time but I do remember I had to aim up with my pee to hit that wire.  I probably remember that fact because it isn’t normal for guys to pee aiming at something higher than where their business is located.  I remember aiming upwards when lightning struck me between the legs!
I swear I saw a blue flash!  I don’t know if it was just a reaction that happened in or around my eyes or if there was actually an arc of power that reached out and hit me in the crotch.
The next thing I remember was lying on the ground as my body continued peeing over myself and everything around me as I thrashed about the ground like you see people do who have just been blasted by a Taser.  My Uncle Garth said later he would have helped me had he not literally fallen over in a fit of laughter.  I remember at the time being mortified that I had to trudge home through the woods wet from my own pee and my pride hurting just about as bad as my business.
So the answer to the question is a resounding, Yes!  It hurts!  It hurts like unholy hell!
Again it’s funny how time changes things and the way we remember stuff because at two years ago when my wife and I had my second son, I was proud as hell that we named him Garth, after Garth Farmer, my Great Uncle Garth.  He was truly a great man, who I miss terribly and whether he knew it or not, taught me more about life and being a real man than anybody else in the world.
Just some lessons are more painful than others when we are growing up.  Honestly still to this day I don’t know how he peed on that wire without getting shocked!


TJ Hooker said...

I can tell you how...

He steeled himself for it, probly had done it before and knew what to expect...

OR he knew which wire was not hot.

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